HYSTEROSCOPY, BIOPSY & POLYP REMOVAL (Part 1)
First of all I was taken into a room where the consultant quickly looked at my file and I was asked to sign the consent form. Very little discussion took place. I was to have a hysteroscopy to check for cancer of the womb. A biopsy was mentioned and also the fact that I had a polyp. I knew about the polyp because it had been found in 2010 during a previous hysteroscopy. The consultant at that time saw no reason to remove it and I believed that it would be left again as I had no symptoms. No options were discussed. I felt scared and vulnerable.
I was taken into the treatment room and I sat down and started to weep. I was trying to keep calm and be brave. One of the nurses asked me what was wrong. I said "I have had womb biopsies done before and I know how painful the procedure will be" She replied "Oh then there's not much we can say then". I was shocked at her reply. It was confirmation to me that everyone knew what was about to happen! The consultant observed that I was crying and asked if I would like to come back another day. I couldn't understand the logic of that because this procedure was going to hurt, without a doubt, on whatever day it was done. I had taken 3 types of pain relief instead of the suggested paracetamol. I took 2 paracetamol, 2 ibuprofen and 2 codeine (from a friends prescription) so I could give myself the best chance of coping.
So, the procedure got under way. I felt the scope pass up through my cervix. It was uncomfortable. The consultant was looking at what she was doing, did not have any conversation with me and the nurses were across the room. I was managing to keep myself calm at this point. Suddenly, without warning, I felt pain. I screamed. I was embarrassed and upset. I guessed that a biopsy had been attempted. The consultant got up and walked to the other side of the room. No acknowledgement of my pain, no explanation. Her back was towards me and she was talking to a nurse. I had no idea what was happening. I felt excluded, vulnerable and I wondered what she was saying about me. Eventually she came back and said "I don't think the sample will be sufficient" She sat down to start again but immediately got up and started to walk away. I looked at her enquiringly. She said "you've gone into spasm". I felt like it was an inconvenience to her. She went back over to the nurses. When the consultant started again I expected more information and dialogue but there wasn't any. I thought she may enquire if I was ok to try for another biopsy but instead, without telling me, she decided to start the polyp removal. The pain was getting worse. I asked if I could have some pain relief. She replied "I can give you an injection into your cervix". I asked if that would stop the pain in the womb where she was cutting". She said "no". I declined as there was no point in having more pain to deal with when it would have no effect. I had lost all control over what was happening to me. I did not know what to expect next.
By now I was reaching the top of my pain threshold. I was becoming very distressed. There was still no discussion, no one asked if I was ok to continue and the nurses were not near me or giving me any support. I could not continue enduring the horror. I remember thinking I have got to physically move away from the pain source but then I thought, but I can't because the instruments might puncture my insides. What happened next was very strange. I experienced staring at the consultant but her face looked cloudy. The pain stopped apart from an acceptable but odd and less intense pain across my pelvic region. Then I felt totally relaxed and the fear had gone. I had dissociated. For a few blissful seconds I was ok. Unfortunately, the nurses came running over and one said my name. They took my hands. I panicked because I thought that they were going to hold me down. I submitted. I was instructed to count and breathe. The pain was terrible. I dare not stop the breathing. I was taking as much air in as I could and consciously creating pain in my chest to try and block some of the pain from my pelvic area. Still no one was talking to me. (Apart from the breathing instructions) I had no idea how long I would be enduring the pain. Finally the consultant said "I'm finished".
At this point, I was really in shock and was shaking uncontrollably. The consultant came over and tried to show me the polyp. She seemed excited that it had a long stalk. I looked at her in disbelief. She said "Oh I don't suppose you want to see that, do you". When someone has just been through a terrifying and painful ordeal, why on earth would you show them the flesh that you had just cut out of their body. I was horrified. The consultant left the room and I did not see her again.
I was so scared I dare not sit up. The nurses were not paying much attention to me but then one noticed that my private parts were still on show. She said "cover yourself up". I did not feel human any more. I did not respond so she came and covered me. I was then expected to get up quickly, get dressed and get out ready for the next patient. My legs were so shaky I feared standing up in case I collapsed.
I managed to get dressed. I could not believe what had happened to me. They fetched my husband to take me home. They told him that I had worked myself up into a state and he felt that this indicated it was caused by my anxiety and weakness. I could not go to the car park straight away. I felt dreadful. I was fearing walking back through the waiting room. We were ushered into a room across the corridor where my husband and I sat for about half an hour before I could risk walking to the car. This was not a room that was designed or fit for patients to recover. I felt as if I had suffered a violent sexual attack. I was totally stunned.
This post is quite long so my next post (Part 2) will give an account of what happened next.
